I walked mom down the stairs this morning and handed her walker to the day care bus driver, Jim,. I kissed her good bye;
“have a good day, momma”
and her weak response
Jim took moms hand from mine and helped her maneuver the 2 steps and then shuffle down the walkway to the waiting van.
I watched from behind and all I could think was;
“that poor old woman, my poor old mom”.
I scurried back in the house and gathered my things for work, rushed myself out the door just as Jim was getting into the van. I looked in and saw mom all buckled in and she slowly lifted her hand and waved with a blank look on her face. I waved back and blew her a kiss, and smiled.
I held this lump in my throat as I drove to work.
It was a “normal” morning for us, I got up with my alarm and had my coffee. Rookie and I woke mom about a half hour later
“time to rise and shine mom”
“why, what day is it?”
Every morning I wonder if this will be the morning that she doesn’t respond back to me.
She shuffles her way to the bathroom, usually forgetting her walker. I go in to her room to pick out her clothes for the day and to check the hygiene of her room. Incontinence is becoming worse all the time.
( Ever since she came home from rehab, I have kept the commode in her bedroom at night so that she doesn’t walk out into the hall on her way to the bathroom and trip over the dog.)
Moses loves to help mom in the mornings.
Why then, if this is such a normal morning, is it difficult, emotionally I mean. I mean, more difficult this morning than most.
It is important for me to understand my own thoughts and feelings as we proceed through the day, the weeks and the years. So I seek out supportive articles that can give me that temporary boost to get through. Like this one. And this one.
Of course, I start to feel guilty or even selfish and want to make certain that I am meeting all of moms needs as well. Emotionally I mean. How would I even know?
Mom is not just getting old but the dementia aspect of all of this is becoming the bigger challenge. I know that she needs to feel loved and needed.
So as much as I feel the need for emotional support, I do not want to lose sight of the fact that we are in this together, mom and I , and she would likely need support too.
The afternoons work about the same only in reverse. I’ve talked about that process before.
Getting mom up the stairs is difficult these days. It makes me sad to watch her but we continue to make light of the event…….. And then she sleeps much of the afternoon
A lot has happened since I started this particular post……. although it is incomplete…. I no longer feel the need to complete each of the posts I had started.